“You have a bed, you don’t have to sleep here.”
“I know.”
“An actual bed.”
Our son had waited years for a sister, and now he wanted to protect her.
He shrugged.
“I like it here.”
I assumed it was sweet.
Our son had waited years for a sister, and now he wanted to protect her.
My mother-in-law, Diane, disagreed.
Diane had been staying with us since Brenda came home. At first, I was grateful. She cooked, cleaned, folded laundry, and kept telling me to rest.
“You shouldn’t encourage this.”
But when she saw Ben sleeping beneath the crib, she frowned.
“You shouldn’t encourage this.”
“I’m not encouraging anything.”
“Then send him back to his room.”
“I do.”
“Clearly not firmly enough.”
“He needs to understand that the baby isn’t the center of the universe.”
I rolled my eyes.
“He’s excited.”
Diane looked toward the crib.
“Or jealous.”
That annoyed me.
“Ben loves her.”
But Ben slept under the crib again the next night.
“Children can love someone and still resent the attention they get.” She lowered her voice. “He needs to understand that the baby isn’t the center of the universe.”
“She’s two weeks old, Diane.”
“I’m talking about Ben.”
I dismissed it.
But Ben slept under the crib again the next night.
By the fourth morning, the joke had faded, and Daniel and I started comparing notes about what we were missing.
And the next.
Every morning, I carried his pillow back to his room.
Every night, somehow, he returned.
By the fourth morning, the joke had faded, and Daniel and I started comparing notes about what we were missing.
Daniel tried bribery.
That was when I started thinking his behavior was strange.
“If you sleep in your bed all week, we’ll get pizza Friday.”
Ben shook his head.
“I don’t want pizza.”
Daniel stared at him.
“You always want pizza.”
If I went upstairs to shower, I’d come back and find Ben sitting beside the crib.
“Not that much.”
That was when I started thinking his behavior was strange.
Then I noticed something else.
Whenever Diane offered to watch Brenda, Ben appeared.
If I went upstairs to shower, I’d come back and find Ben sitting beside the crib.
Once, Diane reached into the bassinet to pick Brenda up.
If Daniel and I stepped outside for ten minutes, Ben refused to come with us.
Once, Diane reached into the bassinet to pick Brenda up.
Ben stepped between them.
“Move, sweetheart,” Diane said.
“No.”
I was embarrassed.
He looked at me, then slowly stepped aside.
“Ben.”
He stayed where he was.
“Move.”
He looked at me, then slowly stepped aside.
Later, I asked him what the problem was.
“Then why are you acting weird around her?”
“Nothing.”
“Did Grandma upset you?”
“No.”
“Then why are you acting weird around her?”
“I’m not.”
Meanwhile, Diane kept making comments about Brenda.
That became his answer for everything.
I’m not.
Nothing happened.
I’m fine.
Meanwhile, Diane kept making comments about Brenda.
One morning, she found me drinking coffee while Brenda slept against my chest.
Not cruel comments. At least, they didn’t sound cruel at first.
One morning, she found me drinking coffee while Brenda slept against my chest.
“You look exhausted.”
“I have a newborn.”
“I know, but this is different.”
“Brenda might require more from you than other children.”
“What do you mean?”
Diane hesitated.
“Brenda might require more from you than other children.”
I hated hearing it.
“She’s two weeks old.”
“I’m trying to be realistic.”
She was from a generation where people talked about disability differently. Sometimes badly.
A few days later, after another sleepless night, she sighed.
“I’m just saying love isn’t always enough.”
I told myself she was worried.
She was from a generation where people talked about disability differently. Sometimes badly.
I thought she needed time.
I woke shortly after two in the morning because I heard something through the baby monitor.
Looking back, I can see how often she framed fear as practicality, but at the time, I heard concern instead.
Then last Thursday happened.
I woke shortly after two in the morning because I heard something through the baby monitor.
At first, I thought Brenda was fussing.
Then I realized someone was whispering.
Daniel was asleep beside me.
I sat up.
Daniel was asleep beside me.
The whisper came again.
“Don’t worry.”
