Because of some reason, most of us have been taught to believe that being “kind” means being available at all times. We feel bad if we fail to reply to a text immediately or if we say no to a favor we don’t have the energy for. However, the truth is that when you keep yourself available for everyone, then your time is no longer seen as something precious but as a routine that is expected. People do not appreciate things which are readily available to them. When kindness doesn’t include “no” in your vocabulary, then it ceases to be kindness and becomes emotional exhaustion.
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8. Trust your gut, not just their “good days”
Don’t be fooled by the fact that they treated you nicely last Tuesday. Instead, take into account the bigger picture. Every single time after you finish talking with them, if you walk away feeling as though you’ve been run over by a bus – tired, worried, or even just “small” – this is your red flag.
Having good moments occasionally should not be the ticket out of a relationship that constantly leaves you feeling unappreciated or devalued.
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9. Don’t chase people who won’t meet you halfway
Many of us have this tendency to give and give to people who are giving nothing of their own in return. We feel like, if we just try harder, understand better, and be more caring, then the person we’re with will finally come around and appreciate how amazing we are. This is a misconception about respect.
Respect is built upon reciprocity—the exchange of effort. When you’re the only one putting in any effort, then you aren’t creating any type of bond, but rather carrying the weight of someone else’s laziness. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with stepping back and seeing who rises to meet you there.
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10. You have to be okay with being the “villain” in someone else’s story
One of the toughest aspects of self-respect is acknowledging that you will always encounter individuals who do not understand—or respect—the lines you draw in the sand. In the moment you no longer allow yourself to be “nice” and start demanding what you need, some people will label you as selfish, distant, or difficult. But you have to accept that as well.
If you are constantly trying to convince those who criticize your decisions to accept your point of view, you are essentially allowing them to have control over whether you act in accordance with your best judgment.
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The big takeaway
Respect is not something you go out seeking or begging for. It is the standard you set through what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not. Once you understand that your time and effort have value, you are no longer bargaining with people who act as if theirs does not. Over time, everything in your life—from friendships to relationships and even your work—begins to align with the standards you have set.
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